You Ask & ROW Answers: How Do You Handle the Fighting?

Hey there! I was wondering if you all could give me some advice or just some support. My boyfriend has been out in ND working since August. He came home in September and then went back out. We were pretty good that first stretch of time, but this time when he has been gone all we have done is fight every time we talk about anything. I know he’s stressed and I’m stressed. We just bought a house in MN. I try to be happy when he calls, but sometimes I’m so sad and stressed with everything going on here that I can’t. I just miss him so much and I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of fighting. What do you all do so you don’t fight all the time? Thanks!


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About melissa

Melissa is the Founder of ROW and has been an oilfield wife for 14 years. She has been married to a wonderful man forever and is mother to six amazing children (17,14, 10, 10 and 2 and a foster baby!). Melissa knows the struggles that come along with the oilfield life. When Melissa isn't helping her little girl battle her brain tumors (Love for Jazmine Joy), she loves to travel, laugh, tend to her chickens, and dream of sunshine and mountains.


  1. Honestly I think if you try a little harder not to show him how stressed you are at home it won’t stress him out as bad. He’s stressed because of work things, then he talks to you and he hears of the things going on at home that he is helpless about. I know when things are going wrong at my house and hubby’s on a hitch, he gets all pissy when I’m talking about it. Not saying its right but it’s my experience on it. Hope it helps

  2. I feel your pain…it’s hard but it seems like you just get into a routine and get use to it. I try to have fun exciting things planned for our family when my hubby comes home. It’s something you both have to look forward to. At least one of those things we do alone no kids! Hang in there!

  3. In this field you have to take the good with the bad. My husband has been doing this for 12 years, and I will tell you this. You take the time you have together and enjoy it. When they are away don’t let them know it sucks, because it sucks worse for them being away. Let them vent if they have a bad day even if you don’t understand. Being the other side of this you find ways to go on. You need to for your sanity. Things always have to be done, so you take a deep breath and move on. He knows its hard for both of you. Find some friends and bitch behind his back, and show him how strong you are when your on the phone. There is nothing they can do over the phone to help you besides say they love you and miss you. For the two weeks my husband is home its our honeymoon all over again. It’s how we deal with it.

  4. It’s a stressful career choice for the entire family. That being said, it’s so much harder for them. I try and not tell my husband about daily things that frustrate me or stress me out because it’s the last thing he needs. I agree with the others, find a way to deal with your stress without unloading it on him. The only time I vent to him is if it’s something really serious that I need his help on.

  5. I agree with the others it is harder for them being away. When I get frustrated I always remind myself to be thankful he has a job and that he works hard to make our life better. Also I keep myself as busy as I possibly can while my husband is at work. We just bought a house last summer. I have been fixing it up learning things like how to finish drywall or I made an upholstered headboard all from youtube videos. Nights are tough but I found things like making a list of movies you’ve never seen and getting them from Netflix, learn to sew, try new recipes, all help pass the time. And when my husband is home I try and only ask him to help me with things I can’t do myself then the rest of the time we try and do fun things that way he isn’t dreading coming home to a giant “honey-do list” Most important is the food! Feed him good while he is home and send him off to work with good food! Its hard at first but you will eventually settle into the way it is. Just be strong while he is gone and enjoy when he is home!

  6. cutting out what stress you can is a big help. When our kids were younger and I was a married single mom cell phones werent available like they are now so we had a personal questionaire #1 does it involve a court appearance #2 is it more than $200.00 #3 is anyone hurt #4 can he do anything to fix it from where he is at. If all the answers were no then you sit back go over each situation and make the best decision you can on your own. It isnt always going to be what he would have done but at the time its your call. He needs to agree to let you handle thing to your best ability. when he was gone for long periods at a time and got home we went over the happy highlites the first day then we sat down and talked about the not so happy things and figured out together the choices we had to make. I tried not to have a honeydo list but of course there is always something that needed work and if it was something I couldnt do or have done he was elected. But as far as the piddly stuff it cut the stress factor way down so there was minimal discourse when he was home and away . you just have to make choises and use good judgement and hope like hell it works out

  7. Emily Viator says:

    My DH has worked away since I met him 14 years ago and now i cant imagine being together all the time LOL You learn to have two separate lives. I have things that I do when he is home and a different set of things that I do when he is away. Our DVR is set so that when he is gone I watch all the girly shows he does not like and I watch football and crime shows when he is home. I even cook different when he is gone than when he is home. I have learned to enjoy both parts. Don’t get me wrong I miss him when he is not here after about a week but that is all he hears. I don’t let him know how much I wish he could be doing here at home for me such as help around the house and how much work the kids can be for me alone. It gets easier as you go or at least it did for me. If the oil field is new to you and I see you say BF you may have revolved your world around him before and lost connections to old girl friends. If that is the case make a point to reconnect with them and if that is not possible join a gym or take a class such as cake decorating, painting or any other interest you may have to meet new ones. You will learn to be happier with yourself and your relationship will benefit from that.

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