You Ask & ROW Answers: Friend or No?

Hello ROW!  I am looking for some advice/input on a odd situation going on.  I have a “friend” (really my only friend right now) who is in LOVE with my hubby.  I can’t blame her, he is amazing!  Obviously, that in itself is an issue!  She won’t admit it to me, and doesn’t know that I know.  But she has the tendency to drunk dial my husband and confess her feelings.  She has gone so far as to ask him that if she left HER husband, would mine take care of her and her children!  I have known about this for a while and I ignore it for the most part because A: I trust my husband completely; B: She lives about 8 hours away from us (12 hours away from where my hubby works); and C: I really don’t have anyone else to chat with. I know that last one is awful, but it’s true.

I am a young-ish mother of three, a stay-at-home mom/wife, we don’t drink (at all, hubby is a recovering alcoholic and I stay 100% sober to support him), and I have no adult to talk to during the day so I keep this “friend” just because.  I am frustrated with the situation and, although our husbands were once really close, my husband (smartly) has told me to stop being friends with her.  I can’t seem to bring myself to do it because I don’t want to feel lonely while he is gone.  She understands what it’s like to have hubby away, stay at home, and, because we were really close at one time, she knows about my crazy background.

So, I guess what I am asking is: what should I do?  Should I drop her like a hot potato? Where am I suppose to meet potential friends?

Thank you!
-Friendless in ND

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About melissa

Melissa is the Founder of ROW and has been an oilfield wife for 14 years. She has been married to a wonderful man forever and is mother to six amazing children (17,14, 10, 10 and 2 and a foster baby!). Melissa knows the struggles that come along with the oilfield life. When Melissa isn't helping her little girl battle her brain tumors (Love for Jazmine Joy), she loves to travel, laugh, tend to her chickens, and dream of sunshine and mountains.
melissa@shrinkingjeans.net

Comments

  1. I would ditch the “friend” immediately. First of all, she obviously is NOT a friend, because friends don’t call their friends’ husbands professing their love, drunk or not. Does HER husband know about this?

    I suggest trying to meet some local Moms through your kids’ classes and activities. How about joining a gym? I’ve met some cool people in my workout classes, you know, when I used to GO to the gym. Hah.

    There are several of us from your area -we could do a coffee date or something! I’m game! 🙂

  2. I don’t think I would call this girl a friend at all. I completely understand the lonely aspect. We moved to the country 6 years ago, and I knew NO ONE. My husband is gone a lot, and it was just me and my 3 year old son. I was starved for adult interaction, so I got online and started making friends that way! Heck, that’s how I met Melissa, who is now my business partner and best friend! You can and will find new friends, I promise, and you certainly don’t need her toxicity in your life. It will only get worse. Good luck!

  3. I think that it is inappropriate for ANY woman to behave that way towards a married man let alone someone who is supposed to be your “friend”! This is not someone you need in your life and if I were you I would confront her about her behavior towards your husband so she knows EXACTLY why you are ending the friendship. Also have your husband block her number so she can’t contact him anymore. It sounds like it makes him uncomfortable too. We moved to ND 2 years ago and I know exactly how you feel with not knowing anyone. I just kept chatting with people I kept seeing on a regular basis for example the secretary at a supply store. I asked her to lunch one day and we’ve been friends ever since.

  4. I would have to agree with all the ladies above, that woman is No Friend what so ever! A true friendship is a commitment and takes effort from both parties! We owe it to ourselves to hold the people in our lives to a certain standard, you deserve much better than that! Our husbands career is more than a job, it’s truley a lifestyle that effects our entire family. And you are right, it’s very difficult to balance alone, never having anyone to lean on here and there, but she is not lifting you up or supporting you in any way! I live in the mountains a good distance from anything. We have 5 children, my husbands gone working in another state at least 6 months of the year as I’m sure is the case for 90% of us! I too have no friends, it’s just me and the kiddos most the time and it can drive you insane, but we are all blessed to have at least that, our wonderful kids & hubbies. I think ROW is a great thing for all of us, we need to turn to the real woman in this world and turn to each other for support! If you need to talk, vent, laugh, whatever don’t hesitate to reach out to any one of us:-)

  5. Everyone here has the right idea going. Drop her like a bad habbit. I have a friend who I refer as a “friend for lack of better options” and now that she has moved back to her home, I have no one to talk to. I’m in the same boat as you, so I can relate to your WHOLE story. My daughter is in girl scouts, and I just joined a gym in Williston so I have the oppertunities to make new friends. But having a friend like that in your life is not going to make you feel better about yourself in the long run.
    I hope the comments here will help you come to an answer that you can be happy with, and good luck on the new friend search. I know there are good ROW out there.

  6. boohoocry1 says:

    sounds like she doesn’t have any friends either! Wonder why?

  7. Emily Viator says:

    Drop her like a hot potato and never talk to her again. its one thing to have a crush that she would never do anything about it is a whole different ballgame when she calls your husband, drunk or not! Look there are plenty of us here that would be happy to be phone friends, I have a bunch of friends I have never met in person and one more would be welcome. You can catch me on Google+ or on Facebook to private message me. I use my real name here so easy to find. I’m in Fort Worth.

  8. Mother of 4 says:

    Are you freaking kidding me??? I would snatch the bitch up and send her packing. No way in hell would I let some whore ruin my marriage or set her sights on my man. And whore is the proper term for a woman who goes after another woman’s man. I don’t care how lonely I have ever been staying at home alone raising a set of 4 kids while my husband was out of town. I wouldn’t of put up with this crap. Either you are a freaking angel or seriously delusional. Get rid of the bitch or be prepared for worse to happen.

  9. Friendless says:

    Thank you all for the advice. I will have to take it. And, just to answer the top asked question, I’m pretty sure her husband knows as he is no better! They have a pretty loveless marriage and I think that makes me feel sorry for her and not end it in addition to my fear of only having my dogs to talk to! Plus, her daughter and mine are friends.
    I have a YMCA membership but just the thought of working out makes me exhausted! I understand I need to actually DO something to make friends…. But, as unusual as it sounds considering my issue, I am kinda antisocial and awkward and MAKING friends isn’t really my strong suit.
    I am not delusional, or an angel, I know this girl is basically a backstabbing biotch, and I am pretty much using her for conversation. Not a real good reason to continue on.

    • A membership for the Y in Bis? Me too. Only I haven’t gone since, like, June. UGH.

      Ditch the so-called friend/ho and step out of your comfort zone to meet some new people -I know you will be so glad you did!

      • Yup. In bis. Only I have never gone. But the membership card looks fantastic on my keychain!

        • The MW muscle work classes with Barb are fantastic. I love(d) Friday morning kickboxing, too! I think I am going to start taking the baby to childwatch and work out again. The husband said I HAVE TO START his next days off. ;p

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