Are We Ready For A Second Baby?

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Are we ready for a second baby?

Lately the looming question on everyone’s mind is when my husband and I having another baby. If you have read my bio than you know that I am the lucky Mama to only one sweet little adorable girl; however that sweet little princess is already almost four! Where has time gone? How did my baby become a little girl so fast! Not only are our friends and family asking when we will be adding to our family, but now even our daughter asks after bath time nightly  “Mama can I have a baby sister”? How do you even know when you are ready for another child? How do I know that I will be able to handle two by myself half the month every month in the oilfield lifestyle and not lose my mind? Will it be easier or harder with the second when my husband is away on his hitch and I already have a toddler to care for? I have so many questions and no clear answers.

Oilfield families do not have your traditional schedule. I really hate when people who work a Monday thru Friday 8-5 job try to relate to the oilfield life style especially when it comes to “family life”. The at home family life for oilfield families is anything but traditional or easy. When you do not have a husband who comes home every night, who helps get everyone out the door every morning and who only gets two weekends a month and a handful of holidays a year (if he is lucky) the parenting role can be tough and emotional! Oilfield wives and mommies really are a one woman show half the month all year long. Not having a father who is home regularly, means missed first steps; missed soccer games, missed dance recitals, and missed parent teacher conferences. I specifically remember one swim lesson last year where my girlfriend and I both had our daughters in the pool, her husband showed up after work to watch, and the minute our daughter saw her friends Daddy she started crying for her own. The oilfield life styles means holidays are never a guarantee too. Thankful for us, my husband is now on the hitch where he seems to get all holidays off, but he did miss our daughter first Christmas, first Easter Egg Hunt, even her first Birthday and I am not totally sure my heart could handle having to experience those precious moments alone all over again. Being a parent all by myself half the month every month is still challenging for me even after four years and I only have one! We are not your traditional family, so as much as I love the input and advice and pressure to have another baby, some people just don’t get it.

My husband and I have no support. One key factor on why I am on the fence about having another child is my husband and I have no family to “help us out” close by. Somebody said once,  it takes a village to raise a child and I could not agree more, I mean granted Rob and I have done it all by ourselves the last four years but man has it been tough! I would be lying if I said there were not plenty of stressful, tiresome, exhausted and emotional days, some so bad I wondered what are we doing and are we going to make it through. All of my husband’s family lives in Denver and almost all of my family is a minimum hour drive away. My brother and his wife live in Grand Junction also, but even finding time when we can all get together for a dinner is tough. It is not like if my husband is out of town working and I have an emergency I have someone to call who can help me. I have experienced times when our daughter was running a fever, sick in bed, and I did not even have a family member to call who could bring me a bottle of Children’s Tylenol, bad I know!  It has never been the case that if my child gets sick I have a family member who could pick them up early from school, instead I use my own vacation or sick days from work. Lastly I have definitely never had anyone that I can just drop our daughter off to and not have to “pay the sitter”. People who have the option to drop off their kids with family so they can run errands or leave them over night so they can catch up on sleep do not know how good they have it! Date nights, any type of adult trip or outing, and even the ability to get to work every day means I am 100% dependent on a babysitter. My grandparents and my aunt who both live over an hour away are the only reason that my husband and I ever have had any type of vacation together or overnight trip, they are the only ones that help us, but even then we have to travel an hour for someone for her to be with. Not having any family around, no daily help really makes me question bringing a second child in the world, and yes I write this with a tear in my eye.  

Would it be impossible to have two babies, be an oilfield wife, and still keep my fulltime job? After putting myself through college, and working my tail of to get to where I am in my professional life, I really am not ready to throw the towel in on all of that. Don’t get me wrong, I love our daughter to death, but I am just a worker, I always have been and I always will be. The reality is, I can handle preschool, daycare, swim lessons, gymnastics, running here and there non-stop for one child, two may be a totally different ball game in which I am afraid I would not be able to handle and have to quit my job. Working is especially important to be because I like to help my husband out, I like to not have to carry credit card debt and finance stuff, and the oilfield is so unpredictable anymore! Is it just me or are kids pricey too? The cost to put to put to in some sort of daycare or even hire a nanny is insane, not to mention then my husband would have two children to take care of his days off instead of just one. Be a working mother is a title I wear proudly, my daughter looks up to me, and I know I am setting an example for her and the type of woman she will be one day, but still I would be lying if the thought still didn’t lie in the back of my head, would I be happier with two babies rather than just one?

Having another child is such a huge decision. For some people it is a no brainer, however for our family there are a lot of factors involved. I have always believed I would give my children the life and the love I never had, but I have two older brothers and the bond between siblings is unlike any other relationship in the world. We know lots of families with just one child and they are perfectly happy. We also know lots of families with just one child and they seem like something is missing. On the flip side we have even more friends that sometimes I cannot help but think the children are running the show and the parents do not look anything short of exhausted and irritated! Whether it is a single child family or a Brady Bunch, to throw the oilfield lifestyle into the mix sure shakes things up.

I’m curious of all of your stories. Do you have one child or more? When did you know you were ready? Is two that much harder than one? Any other working oilfield wives with more than one child have some advice? On a side note anyone out there only have one child but wish you would have had more? What are the pros and cons? Can I handle it? Consider this as my “waving white flat”, I surrender, I need advice ASAP!

Follow me on Facebook to see my growing oilfield family! https://www.facebook.com/becky.arnold.18

 

About rebecca

Becky and her family live in the beautiful town of Grand Junction, Colorado. She has been an OFW for almost three years, has a degree in Business Management, and works fulltime as a Digital Sales Manager for a local news station. She and her husband have one three year old daughter, Riley who is sweet, sassy, and even in heels and boas likes to pretend she is a dragon, that’s right ladies a dragon. In addition to work, Becky also volunteers on a fundraising committee for a local hospital, is a marketing chair member for a local not for profit, and helps pitch in at her daughters pre-school to raise funds. In her spare time (because she has SO MUCH of it) this OFW enjoys gardening, building projects on Shutterfly, cooking, golfing with her hubby, playing volleyball, and enjoying time on the lake with her family. Follow Becky on Pinterest and Instagram.

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