Kids say the Darndest Stuff

kids blog

My kids. Oh my goodness, they are entertaining. Here are a few of their  recent “funnies”….

Son (just turned 6) runs downstairs in nothing but his briefs on the morning of his birthday and yells, “It’s my birthday…so I’m going to wear my birthday suit!”

Daughter (8 yrs old) runs to me all upset, “MOM! Fudge [her puppy] just licked his butt!”
Me, not seeing why this is such a big deal, “So?”
Daughter, “Well….you said after he was  neutered he wouldn’t do gross things anymore!”
Um yeah….not quite what I meant.

After tucking my son into bed and giving him a good night kiss, I see him wipe his face…
Me, “Did you just wipe off my kiss?!”
Son, “No mom, I left the kiss…I just wiped off the slobber.”

Son, “Mom, you said I had big ass what?”
OK, so we are a fairly strict Christian family, my kids hardly watch any TV, and we homeschool  – most likely they have never heard this word before, and if they have overheard it somewhere, I was hoping it hadn’t sunk in. Therefore,  hearing it come out of his mouth was quite shocking.
Me, “What!? I NEVER said that.”
Son, “Yes you did! You said I had big ass…..something.”
Me, “No, I didn’t .”
Son, “Big ass….asper……Big asperators?”
Me, “Ohhhhhhhh. Aspirations. I said you had big aspirations.”

I was looking at play mobil sets online for my son’s birthday. I asked my daughter to help me choose because I can’t remember what they have and don’t have.
Me, “Does he have a police set?”
Daughter, “Just one. It came with a policeman and a hooker.”
(another word I didn’t think they’d ever heard)
Me, “What do you mean by a ‘hooker’?”
Daughter, “You know, a rope with a hook thingy on the end that they use to climb over a wall or something.”
Ah yes – THAT kind of hooker. Silly me.

Me, “I’m excited we get to go see Anne of Green Gables this week.”
Son, “I don’t know who that is.”
Me, “It’s not a person, it’s a play. Remember the story about the orphan girl that goes to live with Marilla?”
Son, “She goes to live with a gorilla?”
I bet he found the play rather dull after that.

My son is in kindergarten and is learning to read this year.  While working on fluency and inflection we went over question marks and exclamation points and what they do.   Now he calls them, “excla-makin marks” and “question makin marks”.
How cute can you get?!

Daughter, “Mom, we need to invite Grandma over for a jam session.”
Me, “But she doesn’t play any musical instruments.”
Daughter, “No – – I mean to make to jam. ”
Ha!  Well, Grandma does make the best jam!

Son, “Mom, can you put some turkey on my bagel for breakfast?”
Me, “You want lunchmeat on your strawberry bagel?
Son, “Yes.”
Me, “What happens if you don’t like it?”
Son, “Well – –  what happens if I do?”
He has a point.

As we sit down to the table to eat…
Me, “Did you wash up?”
Son, “I don’t need to… I did this…”  as he spits on his hands and rubs them on his pants.
Ugh – boys.

Just another day of homeschool…
Me, “What’s it called when you join two words together with an apostrophe to form a shorter word?”
Daughter, “A contraption.”

Son, “When where you born, mom?”
Me, “1979.”
Son, “Does that make you famous?”
Me, “I’m not sure famous is the word you are thinking of.”
Son, “Yeah  – maybe not. I think I meant old.”
Gee, I liked it better when he thought I was “famous”.

Both kids teamed up to make this joke…
What is sesame chicken made out of?

Big bird.

I hope you found these as entertaining as I did. Feel free to comment with your own “kid funnies”. I’m sure we could all use a good laugh!!



About jenna

Jenna has been an oilfield wife for over 12 years. Her Hot Oil Man husband started working in the oilfield a few months before they were married. The oilfield has lead them all the way from Northern CO to Alaska, where they've lived in the Matanuska Valley for 4 years. The family consists of their two children; a strong-willed daughter age 10, and a goofy son age 7. And of course what family would be complete without a couple of dogs and rabbits thrown in the mix. Jenna is a stay at home mom who doesn't “stay at home” much, and enjoys gardening, baking, reading, watching movies, four wheeling, hiking, fishing, and LOVES shopping. Since moving to the last frontier they have also started home schooling, which is another adventure all it’s own.


  1. your kids are hilarious

  2. Haha! One of my boys told me he could see my make up last night. I was like, okay? And then he said he could see it on my upper eyelids and beneath my eyes, which made me look tired.



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