No Fear.

no-fearI am a frightened child, cowering in the dark, although you’d never know that from the outside looking in. It has taken years of practice, countless tries and failures, but for the most part I have soothed that scared little girl into at least acting like a grown woman. On the outside, I present a fortress. A mighty castle nestled behind stone walls, surrounded by a moat of deadly poison.  Formidable and seemingly impenetrable. I am an oilfield wife. I can handle anything. I am a bad-ass. Or so I try and make the world believe.

Broken water heater filling the basement with several inches of water? No problem. All five kids projectile vomiting simultaneously? I got this. Unexpected lawyer bill totaling thousands of dollars … and it’s due next week? I’ll pull the money from a top hat like it were a rabbit. Stay home from a fun social event because my spouse is on hitch and I dread going all alone? No way. Not these days anyway. These are all situations that, once upon a time, would have sent my frightened inner child into a tantrum.

What changed? Suddenly, I became a single mom with two small children. At 27 years old, I thought I was all grown up. I thought the insecure child inside of me was gone. I thought I knew it all. To my surprise, the fearful child was alive and well. Not long after my divorce, my two young kids and I were in the windowless basement storage room of our new place when the power went out. The pitch black was suffocating. Every terrifying, ghoulish image I had ever seen in movies or on TV played through my head and in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to run and save myself from the boogie man in the dark! Leave my kids behind and run!  The kids’ frightened cries snapped me back to reality. There was no “daddy” at home to save them anymore. There was only me. The scared little girl inside of me realized, even in a state of panic, that she could no longer be the priority. Her “freak out” would just have to wait for another time. Flight had turned into fight. Fighting my racing pulse, I took a deep breath and composed myself. Taking my kids by their hands, I calmly led them upstairs out of the dark.

However silly it sounds for a woman in her mid-twenties to be afraid of the dark, I learned a lot about myself that day. Those lessons have carried over very well into becoming an oilfield wife. Even though I’m now happily married, daddy still isn’t home every day to do the rescuing when chaos arises. (Notice I said when it arises not if). Fifty percent of the year there is only me. I can handle the majority of it, but once in a while certain situations bring out the scared little girl again. As much as she’d like to stomp her foot and cry how unfair the situation is, she has grown some patience. She knows she can fall apart later, in private. She will have her time. In the moment, she must be strong because there is no one else there to do it.

About brandy

Brandy met and fell in love with her oilfield man on his days off in 2008. They have a "his, mine and ours" family with five kids who range in age from early teen to infant. She holds down the fort as a stay­at­home­mom in their hometown of Salt Lake City, UT while her oilfield man is hard at work in the Bakken, six months out of the year. The other six months are spent together as a family (and once in a while, as a couple) hunting, camping, fishing, taking vacations, playing games (video and board), watching zombie flicks, and cooking. On the rare occasion she isn’t planning, budgeting and running kids around, her favorite pastimes include good books, putting thoughts down in writing, getting dirt under her nails in the garden and creating beautiful/fun sewing projects.

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