Warning: Low Love Tank

warning-Oilman won’t let me forget it.  When we first started dating I got angry and threw a lime at his face.  It was a wedge of lime from my bottle of Dos Equis.  Don’t worry, I was the worst player on my softball team as a child and no one was harmed in the lime assault.  I mean, my beer didn’t taste as good without the lime in it.  Everyone knows Dos Equis is better with lime.

Why was I throwing fruit?  I didn’t realize it at the time, but a low love tank had made me a crazy woman.  I started dating Oilman after two crappy back-to-back relationships.  I had spent three years in relationships with two men (two years with one and a year with the other) that each cared about themselves more than me.  It was exhausting.  Being in a relationship where you do all the work made me bone-tired. Emotionally, it made me a crazy girlfriend.

I feel sorry for my husband in the beginning of our relationship.  He was so sweet and caring and it took me some time to be able to accept and appreciate being with someone who was as committed to the relationship as I was.  About this time, someone recommended, “The Five Love Languages”.  I read it and gave the cliff notes version to Oilman.  I read that we all have a “love tank” in us.  Just like a

gas tank in our cars, we have needs that need to be met.  God created us with a deep desire to for intimacy and to be loved.  I know what that ache feels like when you don’t feel loved or appreciated.  I know without a doubt that many of my fellow oilfield wives have low love tanks.  I know from talking with Oilman that many men in the field have low love tanks as well.

If our needs are being met, we feel awesome.  We love freely.  We are happy.  We are content.  When it gets low or even empty, then we get a little off.  For me it was getting irrational and over emotional over stupid things.  A low sustained love tank can lead to affairs or divorce.  You are so tired of feeling unloved that you will go anywhere else to find it even in the arms of someone else.  Think about it on a scale from 1 to 10.  How full is your “love tank” right now?  Do you think your spouse’s love tank is full?  Do you know for sure?  If your spouse said their love tank was low, would you know how to fill it for them?

Most of us communicate love in different ways and speak different “love languages”.  There are 5 Love Languages that Dr. Gary Chapman explains in his book.  While we enjoy all 5 Love Languages, we normally have a mix of one or two we use primarily.

  1. Words of affirmation.  One with this love language is very sensitive to words both good and bad.  They appreciate being told that they look nice, that you appreciate the job that they did, or how much you love them, etc.

  2. Acts of Service.  A person with this love language does things to show love for others.  Things such as washing the car, unloading the dishwasher, or making a special lunch.  An example of acts of service would be a husband who works over 100 hours a week in the oilfield to take care of his family.

  3. Quality Time.  This is a person who wants to spend time with their loved ones.  They want their spouse to focus on them and to spend time with them, giving each other your undivided attention, or talking to each other.

  4. Receiving gifts.  A gift is something someone can look at and know that the gift giver was thinking of them.  Cost is not important; it is that you thought of them when you gave it.  It can be a hand written note or an expensive handbag, both can serve the same purpose.

  5. Physical touch.  This is not just sex.  It is holding hands, hugging, or a quick peck on the cheek.  A person feels love from their spouse when their spouse touches them, sexually or not.

The problem arises because most of us have speak a different “language” than our spouse.  This is why we can feel as if we are constantly trying to show our spouse how much we love them and they don’t seem to see it.  This is when you tell your spouse that you don’t feel loved or appreciated and they are utterly baffled.  We give and receive love in our own language.

For instance, my love language is words of affirmation.  Oilman’s is physical touch.  I can tell Oilman I love him and appreciate him.  He likes that, however he feels the most love from me when I rub his back, hold his hand, or touch him in some way.  If I simply showed him love in my own language which is telling him often how great he is, but never showed him love physically, he would be hurt.

For my brother and sister-in-law she is acts of service and he is quality time.  My sister-in-law does things to show her love.  She takes care of the children and handles pay roll for my brother’s business.  While my brother appreciates that, what he really wants her to do is stop doing things and focus on him.  An acts of service person would appreciate you unloading the dishwasher.  A quality time person would rather have your attention for 10 minutes to discuss your day and focus on each other.   Can you see where this causes problems in our marriages?

We have little time together as oilfield couples.  We live apart from our spouse or significant other at least half of the time.  Communication and understanding each other is crucial.  The knowledge I have learned from “The Five Love Languages” has truly transformed my life and marriage.  It applies to your children, your friends, and your co-workers as well.

What would our marriages look like if we each committed to filling our spouses love tank in 2015?

Find out what your own love language is and get more information by visiting here:

or here:  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

About LC

Howdy! LC and her Oilman live in the ‘burbs north of Austin, TX. She is a real estate broker, but you won’t find her face on a bus bench and she doesn't drive a Cadillac. Oilman works in Texas as a Completions Consultant. Don’t worry, most people don’t know what that title means either. LC calls him frac guru, for short. She may be the only woman in America that hated both "Twilight" AND "50 Shades of Grey". Oilman and LC like wine, good music, their two dogs, and cervezas in Central America. Follow the adventures of LC and Oilman at: www.LivingOilfieldLife.com or on Instagram at: living_oilfield_life

Comments

  1. I love this. The part that stood out to me most for some reason was this line:

    “I know from talking with Oilman that many men in the field have low love tanks as well.”

    I think the fact that you and your Oilman are talking about these things is just as important as what you’re talking about. If you skip that step, and aren’t communicating, you never get to the good stuff.

    • Thank you! I think that communication is even more important between oilfield couples as we spend so much time apart.

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