I Quit

I Quit #realoilfieldwivesI quit being an Oilfield Wife today. As a matter of fact, I quit being an anything. I had finally had enough, threw my hands in the air, and admitted defeat.

Today I stopped waiting for my husband’s presence to complete me and I found myself again. No more feeling lost when he isn’t around. No more waiting “X” amount of days to begin something I want to do for myself. No more forgetting who I was before I was his. It can be a lonely place, this life we live. I needed to rediscover myself before I lost the very thing that makes me, me.

Today I stopped working so hard towards everyone else’s happiness and examined my own. I’ve found that I can no longer provide sunshine in another’s life when my own source of sun burnt out long ago. My family is my life, my soul, the very essence of my existence. And while I know without it my happiness would be absent, I also know that they need me to be focused and whole. Today I stopped being the person they want me to be and started being the person they need me to be. No more going through the motions, time to be in the moment.

Today I stopped having expectations. They’ll only disappoint you in the end and make you question your faith in the potential of hope. Instead, I gained that much more independence. Why, for all these years, have I waited for someone else to reach for my own stars? What am I afraid of? I’m pretty sure it’s the fear of letting myself down. If someone else lets me down, I have them to blame. If I let myself down, I’ve got no one to blame but me (and that’s the scariest thing there is). But, what is a life without taking chances? From now on, when something new tempts me, I’ll put on my “why not?” face and accept that challenge. Who cares if you fail when there are no expectations to reach anyway? I’ve got nothing to lose and a life of no regrets to gain.

Today I stopped living life by a calendar and a clock. My days are either spent wishing time away or wishing it to slow down; it does neither. No more waiting for 15 days to pass by while at the same time begging  for 15 more hours, minutes, seconds added to my daughter’s baby years. I’m driving myself mad each day in a world of opposite time requests. It’s exhausting, and it’s taking away my ability to experience life’s trials and tribulations as they come. No more “maybe tomorrow”s. From here on out, only “today”s.

Today I quit.

Tomorrow I’ll be back.

I’ll be back stronger, happier, and calmer. I’ll be the wife I was supposed to be a long time ago and the mother I strive to be daily. I’ll be the person I’m meant to be, not the person other people want me to be. I’ll be happy I took the timeout I needed and move forward with energy and more love for life than I had before.

I quit being an Oilfield Wife today. And it’s exactly what I needed.

About ashley

Ashley and her husband, Ryan, have been married for 4 years. They became an oilfield family in March of 2011. They live in Northeastern Pennsylvania with their 2 year old daughter, Anistyn, and two fur-children: Kora (the manic Australian Cattle Dog) and Jaxx (your typical lazy house cat). Ashley traded in her various degrees and certifications to take on her ultimate dream job of fulltime mommy and wife. When not throwing over-the-top toddler dance parties and reading the same storybook 104 times in a row she enjoys reading her own books, baking, writing, meeting new friends, trying new things, and saving every animal in need on the planet!

Comments

  1. AliCat55 says:

    Thank you for this motivation! My husband went for his hitch today, and I always find myself in a two day slump when he first leaves- not this time. All oilfield wives are such strong, independent women and sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of this.

    • Sneha Ganesh says:

      Just the motivation I needed right now. I suffered depression for a year now and I am slowly making my way out into the light.

  2. Stacie West says:

    I am also in NE PA midway between Scranton & Binghamton, NY…..can be a lonely life for sure.

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