Uncertainty

UncertaintyWe’re at a crossroads. We could be nearing the end of our oilfield journey, and we’ve got some major decisions to make. I find myself feeling the exact same way at the end as I felt in the beginning…uncertain.

Is this the right decision? Do we stay or do we go? What is best for our family? Which option is best in the long run? Questions, so many questions.

Although there were doubt and concerns when we said “yes” to oilfield life, it also made perfect sense. Was I worried if we’d make it? Absolutely! But, I was also thrilled with the opportunities it gave us. For us, then, it was right. So, how do we know if it is still the right thing to do? Is it worth the sleepless nights wondering where he’ll go next or if he will even go at all? I’m not sure.

I think the real problem here is fear. After all, this has been all we’ve known for the past 4.5 years. I guess I answered my own question “Do you ever get used to it?” The answer is yes. Yes, you do. You’re very used to it when you’re about to lose it. And you panic. Before, I was terrified that we would never be able to cope, and that we’d never be “normal”. Well, it happened to become our version of normal and I’m now equally as terrified about how we’ll “undo” it. If we need to, how will we move past this crazy life we’ve come to know? I’m not sure about that either.

What exactly is on the other side of oilfield life? It seems to be its own entity, a separate life for all who have come to know it. Confusing is what it is! What’s most confusing is how unsettling it is! I guess I’m worried about a variety of things. Is there another job out there able to support us financially? I still need to be a stay-at-home-mom, how will we work it out? Can we work it out? How long will it take to get used to being around each other again? Oh, gosh! Will we hate each other once we’re back together? What if we really have grown apart? In no way am I saying I think we have, I’m simply putting my fears out there! I’m sure some of you must feel the same way. Right?

What about you ladies that have been through this? What’s it like for you? I genuinely want to know how you are. Are you ok out there? Are you scared too? Have you been able to move past oilfield life, or have you decided to chase it? How…tell me, how, did we come to LOVE this life? I didn’t realize how much pride and admiration I have for the oilfield until it’s about to possibly go away. Have I really come to love it? Yes. But, when? Sometimes it feels like just now, but I don’t know why.

At this point I’m just beginning to ramble because I’m not exactly sure how to put what I’m feeling into words. Ha! Imagine that. I don’t know how to say what I want to…that’s a first. I feel like this is a “Negative Nelly” article, and I promise I don’t mean it to be! I guess overall I’m feeling really lost. And confused. And uncertain.

About ashley

Ashley and her husband, Ryan, have been married for 4 years. They became an oilfield family in March of 2011. They live in Northeastern Pennsylvania with their 2 year old daughter, Anistyn, and two fur-children: Kora (the manic Australian Cattle Dog) and Jaxx (your typical lazy house cat). Ashley traded in her various degrees and certifications to take on her ultimate dream job of fulltime mommy and wife. When not throwing over-the-top toddler dance parties and reading the same storybook 104 times in a row she enjoys reading her own books, baking, writing, meeting new friends, trying new things, and saving every animal in need on the planet!

Comments

  1. Jessica Lynne Withey says:

    You’re not alone at all. After almost 7 years I some how manage to pray for a way out and completely fear the idea of starting over at the exact same time. Keep us updated.

  2. Jade Logan says:

    you can be a stay at home mom for as long as you need to be and still have an income by making your home into a daycare. i have a friend who does this and she was able to landscape their home recently, take her family on road trips. her husband is in the navy so they dont make the best salary. i think the most he makes is 25-30k a year so life is surviveable outside the oilfield. you just got to want to

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