Good for Her! Not for Me.

Good for her! Not for me! #realoilfieldwives“I could never ever have my husband gone all the time,” she continued, “I would never choose money over being with my husband every day.”   Well, thank you for that little tidbit.  I didn’t ask for an opinion on my husband’s work schedule, but I appreciated her smug judgement nonetheless.

I shrugged my shoulders to blow off her comment, but I had found it incredibly rude.  She was a client of mine; otherwise, I might have had a different response than shrugging.  The truth is that her statement had more to do with her own choices than it did with mine, but it still felt like an attack.  My husband and I chose a different lifestyle when he accepted a job in the oilfield.  When did “different” become your business to comment on?

We have all had a comment like the one above haven’t we?  Maybe yours wasn’t about your husband’s job, it was about your marriage, your family, or your parenting style.  It was comments that came across as an attack on your own life choices.  When did we decide that people need to do things exactly like us to validate our own life choices?  Isn’t that what it is?  Why else do we even care about people we barely know doing things differently?

Some of us may choose to take a ride down the road less traveled in regards to the way we live.  The road less traveled is fairly scenic albeit bumpy and lonely at times.  What no one tells you about taking the road less traveled is that people judge you for it.  When you choose to do something different, it makes you stand out above the crowd whether you intended to or not.  You know what happens when you stand out?  The judgement starts.

The judging y’all… it is bad.  We don’t need everyone else to do things exactly like us and breathe a fire of hatred on others when they don’t.  I read Amy Poehler’s memoir earlier this year where she devoted a segment to the way women judge each other.  Her tagline was, “Good for her!  Not for me.”  I know I could stand to use this a little bit more often and would appreciate it if others would use it as well. When someone chooses to do something different than us, we can stop with the judgement and cheer them on instead.  All we have to think is, “Good for her! Not for me.”  Did your friend decide to work instead of staying at home with children?  Good for her, not for you.  Did you decide that an all-natural child birth at home was the right fit for your family while others choose an epidural?  Good for you!  Not for someone else.  Did my husband and I decide to choose an oilfield job and stay apart for weeks at time while you can barely stand being apart from your husband for 2 hours?  Good for me, not for you.  Do you think that eating gluten-free is stupid while your bestie is obsessed with it?  Good for her, not for you.  I honestly wish I would’ve had this line in my back pocket when my client accused me of choosing to money over time with my husband.  Good for you!  Not for me.

Moving forward, I’ve got to realize that choosing the oilfield lifestyle makes me a little bit weird here in Austin, TX.  Being a little bit weird is going to open myself up to more scrutiny.  People are going to give me their unsolicited opinions and advice.  I can choose to get angry or move past it.  While I’m at it, I can give people the same respect that I want people to give me.  I can choose to cheer people on when they do things differently than my husband I choose.   Good for you!  Not for me.


About LC

Howdy! LC and her Oilman live in the ‘burbs north of Austin, TX. She is a real estate broker, but you won’t find her face on a bus bench and she doesn't drive a Cadillac. Oilman works in Texas as a Completions Consultant. Don’t worry, most people don’t know what that title means either. LC calls him frac guru, for short. She may be the only woman in America that hated both "Twilight" AND "50 Shades of Grey". Oilman and LC like wine, good music, their two dogs, and cervezas in Central America. Follow the adventures of LC and Oilman at: or on Instagram at: living_oilfield_life


  1. amber hudson-o'brien says:

    I feel ya, my husband works a 4 and 2 and we have 3 kiddos, he works in Alaska and we live in Washington , I hear that all the time…oil field life works for us, if it wasn’t for the pay no one would ever go to work so her opinion means little.

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