Sometimes When You’re Gone

Sometimes When You're Gone #realoilfieldwivesIt is funny, sometimes, what you learn about yourself when you’re alone for long periods of time. Like going to a movie by yourself, or having dinner in a restaurant solo. Neither of which I’ve tried yet, but I fully intend to do so…one day. I can imagine you’d learn quite a lot about who you are when you have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, and no one as a safety net when you feel insecure. Alone.

I’ve done a lot of growing inside the walls of my own home, that’s for sure. One day soon I’ll grow even more outside these walls. But, for now, I’ve gotten into a rhythm that soothes me when I feel lonesome. It isn’t mourning, but the rituals I’ve developed might seem as such from someone on the outside looking in. These things simply make me feel better. Less alone.

Sometimes, dear husband, when you’re gone I use your shampoo and soap in the shower. I miss the smell of you and enjoy when I can catch a hint of what you smell like on me. It isn’t having your freshly clean arms wrapped around me at the coffee pot in the morning, but I’ll take it. You smell incredible.

Sometimes when you’re gone I wear your t-shirts around all day. They’re loose and soft, and they smell like you too. They are even better to sleep in. I feel good in your clothes, and I can wear them like a boss. They don’t hug my curves like my clothes do, but they hang on all the right places. The photos I send are proof!

Sometimes when you’re gone I use your coffee cup. I miss making coffee for you. The rich smell of morning fills the kitchen and your mug, and I all but soak it in. It wakes me up, gets me going. Seeing it in the soapy dish water and washing it out makes me feel as though I actually made it for you. The smell of coffee lingers a while and gets me through until my next distraction.

Sometimes when you’re gone I watch our wedding and reception videos. They make me happiest of all. They remind me of a simpler time when all we had was time and each other. I miss those people, but I love us today more. Maybe next time you’re home we can rediscover them somehow. They look like a lot of fun, and so in love.

Sometimes when you’re gone I stay up late watching chick flicks and eat cookies. I eat all the cookies, and I’m not even sorry after. I go to bed feeling content, not sad. It’s a good thing your t-shirts are loose…

Sometimes when you’re gone I get our big girl to sleep and go into the guest bedroom to sit in our nursery chair. I dream of that room being a nursery too. I can sit and rock quietly and feel nothing but hope. Hope that our next miracle will indeed come soon. Those are the nights I miss you most.

Sometimes when you’re gone I grill and wish I could drive your car. The mom car gets old, the oven gets dirty, and I find myself wishing you’d be outside with me instead. It just isn’t the same.

Sometimes when you’re gone I sit, drink hot cocoa, and write about how much I miss you….

About ashley

Ashley and her husband, Ryan, have been married for 4 years. They became an oilfield family in March of 2011. They live in Northeastern Pennsylvania with their 2 year old daughter, Anistyn, and two fur-children: Kora (the manic Australian Cattle Dog) and Jaxx (your typical lazy house cat). Ashley traded in her various degrees and certifications to take on her ultimate dream job of fulltime mommy and wife. When not throwing over-the-top toddler dance parties and reading the same storybook 104 times in a row she enjoys reading her own books, baking, writing, meeting new friends, trying new things, and saving every animal in need on the planet!

Comments

  1. My sexy oilfield man left Monday and this is exactly how I feel this morning! Thank you for sharing!

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