4 Truths About an Oilfield Marriage

Four Truths About Oilfield Marriages #realoilfieldwives

Want to put your marriage to the test?  Have your husband join the oilfield.  Nothing puts pressure on a relationship like weeks apart with long hours and little sleep.  It can be a constant balance between one extreme to the other.  Admittedly, sometimes I am awesome at all of this and sometimes I just plain suck.  Here are four things that I have found to be true when it comes to marriage in the oilfield.

You must be independent while at the same time need your husband. We are forced to become independent and self-sufficient because our husbands are gone for weeks at a time.  However, many times we become so self-sufficient we make our husband’s think that they are not needed.  He may feel as if he is just a work mule only needed for his earning potential and nothing else.  I don’t ever want Oilman to feel that I don’t want or need him around, because I do.

You must learn to communicate problems, while at the same time let things go. I now know that there are certain times when my husband’s patience level is minimal at best.  This coincides with long hitches all on nights.  Night after night of minimal sleep for weeks at a time means I’m going to cut him slack.  If it isn’t a big deal, I’m going to just let it go.  Likewise, when I have had difficult times with my job, Oilman is going to do the same.  Sometimes it is a juggling act trying to figure out what needs to be discussed and what needs to be let go.  While there are times when we both deserve a mulligan, other times an issue needs to be discussed.  Not talking about a problem can allow it to fester and grow.  I know plenty of people who can sweep things under the rug and this doesn’t work for me.  I process and work through issue by talking about them.  If I don’t, something small starts out as a pebble under a rug and the longer it goes unaddressed the more it feeds into something larger, filled with anger and resentment.  A pebble-sized hurt grows until it is no longer a pebble, it is a boulder and the rug is nowhere to be seen.  A fight that ensues over a pebble is still better than fighting a boulder 6 months down the road.  There will be fights.  There will be uncomfortable moments.  You talk, fight, cry, yell, apologize, and move on.

You must make each other a priority. The only way a marriage works is if you both make each other a priority.  This means that your marriage is more important than an oilfield job.  Oilman and I have always had an agreement that if this job caused our marriage to crumble, he would quit.  The only people who can decide how much is too much are you and your partner.

You must realize that the hard times are necessary. No one wants a crappy marriage.  The difficult thing to grasp is that in order to get a great marriage; you have to go through some not so fun times.  You don’t get great at resolving conflict, until you go through conflict.  You don’t become a better team, until you are being pulled apart.  This job WILL put hurdles in your path.  You will have good times and bad.  You will have hitches where everything is rainbows and sunshine, while the next is a tsunami.  You will have times where you will be given the choice whether to stay true to your marriage vows or not.  Every choice, every hurdle, every set of days off, you continue to learn and grow.  I will forever be grateful to the oilfield because it has made our marriage stronger.  We are a better team now than ever.  Would we have gotten here without the oilfield?  Possibly, but it would’ve taken more time.

Sometimes Oilman and I rock these truths with a perfect execution and other times we don’t.  We just continue to try.

Side Note:  I have read countless posts from fellow oilfield wives crying out about difficulty in marriage.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I cannot speak for all oilfield wives, but this one has had her fair share of arguments.  We have had struggle and life has thrown us curve balls.  I know that our marriage would not be what it is today without our faith and foundation in Jesus Christ.  Oilman and I participated in premarital counseling before we got married.  I would highly encourage anyone and everyone to seek out a Christian counselor at any time before or during their marriage.

If you are struggling in your marriage or simply want to make it better here are a few resources:

About LC

Howdy! LC and her Oilman live in the ‘burbs north of Austin, TX. She is a real estate broker, but you won’t find her face on a bus bench and she doesn't drive a Cadillac. Oilman works in Texas as a Completions Consultant. Don’t worry, most people don’t know what that title means either. LC calls him frac guru, for short. She may be the only woman in America that hated both "Twilight" AND "50 Shades of Grey". Oilman and LC like wine, good music, their two dogs, and cervezas in Central America. Follow the adventures of LC and Oilman at: www.LivingOilfieldLife.com or on Instagram at: living_oilfield_life

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