I’m not sure where my breaking point is, but I might have already passed it. You know that saying, “When it rains, it pours?” Well that absolutely describes my life lately. Life can be hard. Being an oilfield wife is hard. As a mom, I feel it’s my responsibility to be the glue of the family. This can be difficult on its own without adding other stresses, responsibilities, and pressures. When things go wrong, I’m the one that needs to keep it together. I can’t crumble, I have to hold everyone up.
When my Hot Oil Man is gone for his two week hitch, I have to provide the stability for our children. I am the one at home and I need to make them feel secure, even when dad isn’t here. Now if that weren’t enough to have on my plate, we also home school, which means I have the weight of my kids’ education entirely on my shoulders. If they aren’t where they need to be academically, I am the one to blame.
And then there’s the other mom duties –dentist appointments, birthday parties, ice skating lessons, and shoe shopping. Busy work. And of course there’s the usual responsibilities of house and home –laundry, dishes, house cleaning, mowing the lawn…I won’t even get into it. Every mom out there is well aware of all the day-to-day “mom tasks” that monopolize our time and energy.
If all of that weren’t enough, I also have chronic back pain to deal with. I’ve had one surgery already, and might be looking at a second. When I think about the time and money spent on my back, it’s enough to make me sick to my stomach. That, along with the actual pain, seems like more than I can deal with sometimes.
On top of that, add a 12-year-old dog with epilepsy. We don’t know what to do with him. Medication isn’t helping. We don’t want to spend a fortune on blood tests for a very old dog. Other than having seizures, he is still spry and seems happy, but during and after a seizure he can really break your heart. It’s painful to watch and I can’t imagine what it’s like for him. I’m at a loss on how to deal with the situation.
Let’s not overlook the issue with our garden. I spent hours (if not days) slaving over my garden, just to have it completely destroyed by moose. This may seem like no big deal, but it was actually very disappointing. Once they’d done-in the vegetable garden, they moved onto the strawberry patch. I finally wised up and started covering the plants to protect them at night. The moose paid me back by eating all my flowers. Yep, they’re jerks. No homegrown carrots and lettuce for us this year. And no more pretty flower pots either.
If all that weren’t enough, we have started a construction project on our house. Possibly not the most brilliant timing in the world, but we wanted it done before winter which can come pretty early here in AK. We are adding two bedrooms, which we will move our two kids into. This will free up their current bedrooms to be a guest room and an extra room (den, playroom, school room…etc). Although this addition really is a dream come true and will basically transform our home into our “dream home”, it is very stressful and will most likely break the bank before we’re done. All we have to show for any of it right now is a $14,000 giant hole in our back yard. We’re hoping my Hot Oil Man can pick up a few extra hitches this winter so we can afford to finish the project.
If I dwell on any one of these issues too long it makes me want to scream. Are we doing the right thing? Can I handle everything that’s required of me? Will I let everyone down? Are we going to go broke? And don’t think for a second that I’m trying to make myself sound like a martyr, or that I think I’m dealing with more than any other Oilfield mom out there. While I’m dealing with back pain and home school, another mom is dealing with a full-time job and student loans. Or running a day care. Or going through a divorce. Or a million other things. ALL moms have battles. We are ALL past our breaking points.
But every one of my “issues” has an underlying blessing. When it rains it pours –but there’s a silver lining! When I think I’m at my breaking point, I need to look at things from a different perspective and find the good in the situation. I am thankful to be a stay-at-home mom. I’m thankful for my Hot Oil Man husband. I’ve been incredibly blessed by the opportunity to home school my children. I’m lucky to have had a faithful canine companion that loves me unconditionally and hasn’t left my side for the last 12 years. I’m thankful my biggest health issue is only pain, and nothing serious or life threatening. I’m grateful for the opportunity to improve our home and make more space in our house.
When you think you’re at your breaking point, just look at how far you’ve come already. You can make it the rest of the way.
And the moose?….Well, I’m still trying to find the good in that situation. Ha.