Mom Standards

MOM STANDARDS #realoilfieldwivesI am a horrible multi-tasker. Actually, I’m not horrible at it, I just hate it. I’d prefer to focus on one thing.   All women, all moms, and especially oilfield wives are multi-taskers. We have to be, we have no choice. At any given moment, I’m thinking about at LEAST 6 major issues, 22 medium issues, and about 57 small issues. Deciding what to defrost for dinner, figuring out when to schedule the electrician, trying to remember to add dog food to the grocery list, and mentally working on lesson plans…all at once, all day long.

I have days when I feel victorious. I was prepared and school went well. We got every subject done, there were no distractions, I recorded grades – on those days I’m content that I gave my all and I feel like I succeeded in what I set out to do. But my victories are ALWAYS short lived. It seems the days that school goes well, are the same days I don’t have time for meals and we end up eating frozen pizza. Or the days I’m awesome at the house and laundry gets washed, folded AND put away, bathrooms get scrubbed and floors get mopped…those are the days we skip science and I’m only halfway paying attention to school. With every success, comes a failure.  For every victory, there is a shortcoming. For every job done well, there seems to be another one done only halfway. If I succeed in errands, I fail at school. If I make a healthy meal from scratch, then laundry doesn’t get done. It’s a very ugly cycle.  I can’t do it all.  I just can’t seem to live up to my own standards.

In general, I only do the activities I can fully commit to.  If we can’t make it to every meeting of the club/class/committee/sport, then we don’t participate. If we can’t give 100%, then we don’t do that particular thing. (I don’t understand the people that are in rec basketball but only make it to every other practice and 4 games. What’s the point of that? That is so not us.) I’m not going to invest my time or money into something that we can’t attend and fully participate in. This mentality transfers over into my daily life, too. I feel like I should be giving my absolute all in everything…I should be able to do it all and do it perfectly…and if I can’t, then I haven’t been a successful mom or wife that day.

But that is unrealistic. I wouldn’t except that from anyone else, why do I put those demands on myself? I’m sure I’m not the only one. Why is it as moms we think we have to be able to do it all? Where did these unattainable standards come from? Why can’t we just enjoy the small victory without instantly looking for the failure?

Unfortunately – I don’t have the answers. I guess just being aware of the fact how unrealistic it is to demand perfection from ourselves is the only way to counteract the cycle.  All I can do is try to lighten up, and I encourage you to give yourself a break, too.  You deserve it…we all do.

About jenna

Jenna has been an oilfield wife for over 12 years. Her Hot Oil Man husband started working in the oilfield a few months before they were married. The oilfield has lead them all the way from Northern CO to Alaska, where they've lived in the Matanuska Valley for 4 years. The family consists of their two children; a strong-willed daughter age 10, and a goofy son age 7. And of course what family would be complete without a couple of dogs and rabbits thrown in the mix. Jenna is a stay at home mom who doesn't “stay at home” much, and enjoys gardening, baking, reading, watching movies, four wheeling, hiking, fishing, and LOVES shopping. Since moving to the last frontier they have also started home schooling, which is another adventure all it’s own.

Comments

  1. Jenna, I really enjoy your blogs. Most of your experiences really sound a lot like my day to day! Just today I was telling my oilman (he’s in charge of the mudlogger crew) How i sometimes feel like I’m always playing catchup with grading, laundry, dishes. etc and wondered how other people have those beautiful houses, well groomed children and glowing reviews at work! I, right now, am looking at another lightbulb needing changing and wondering if I can do without it til the husband gets home because it’s One More Thing. LOL

    • I can totally relate! I keep a honey-do list for my husband when he gets home of things I can’t do (or just stuff I don’t want to do like changing light-bulbs) Ha. I have days where I feel like I’m in survival ALL day and I don’t know how other moms do it. Today I stayed in my pj pants all day, I dusted the coffee table with my sleeve, and I fed the kids cereal for dinner…..ever have one of THOSE days?

    • I can totally relate! I keep a honey-do list for when my husband gets home of things I can’t do (or just stuff I don’t want to do like changing light-bulbs) Ha. I have days where I feel like I’m in survival ALL day and I don’t know how other moms do it. Today I stayed in my pj pants all day, I dusted the coffee table with my sleeve, and I fed the kids cereal for dinner…..ever have one of THOSE days?!

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