I am a horrible multi-tasker. Actually, I’m not horrible at it, I just hate it. I’d prefer to focus on one thing. All women, all moms, and especially oilfield wives are multi-taskers. We have to be, we have no choice. At any given moment, I’m thinking about at LEAST 6 major issues, 22 medium issues, and about 57 small issues. Deciding what to defrost for dinner, figuring out when to schedule the electrician, trying to remember to add dog food to the grocery list, and mentally working on lesson plans…all at once, all day long.
I have days when I feel victorious. I was prepared and school went well. We got every subject done, there were no distractions, I recorded grades – on those days I’m content that I gave my all and I feel like I succeeded in what I set out to do. But my victories are ALWAYS short lived. It seems the days that school goes well, are the same days I don’t have time for meals and we end up eating frozen pizza. Or the days I’m awesome at the house and laundry gets washed, folded AND put away, bathrooms get scrubbed and floors get mopped…those are the days we skip science and I’m only halfway paying attention to school. With every success, comes a failure. For every victory, there is a shortcoming. For every job done well, there seems to be another one done only halfway. If I succeed in errands, I fail at school. If I make a healthy meal from scratch, then laundry doesn’t get done. It’s a very ugly cycle. I can’t do it all. I just can’t seem to live up to my own standards.
In general, I only do the activities I can fully commit to. If we can’t make it to every meeting of the club/class/committee/sport, then we don’t participate. If we can’t give 100%, then we don’t do that particular thing. (I don’t understand the people that are in rec basketball but only make it to every other practice and 4 games. What’s the point of that? That is so not us.) I’m not going to invest my time or money into something that we can’t attend and fully participate in. This mentality transfers over into my daily life, too. I feel like I should be giving my absolute all in everything…I should be able to do it all and do it perfectly…and if I can’t, then I haven’t been a successful mom or wife that day.
But that is unrealistic. I wouldn’t except that from anyone else, why do I put those demands on myself? I’m sure I’m not the only one. Why is it as moms we think we have to be able to do it all? Where did these unattainable standards come from? Why can’t we just enjoy the small victory without instantly looking for the failure?
Unfortunately – I don’t have the answers. I guess just being aware of the fact how unrealistic it is to demand perfection from ourselves is the only way to counteract the cycle. All I can do is try to lighten up, and I encourage you to give yourself a break, too. You deserve it…we all do.